GONE NORTH

I have left my home of culture and gone to Northern Land

Where the people are peculiar and speech hard to understand.

They’re dropping vowels and consonants like they’re out of date;

It doesn’t matter who you are you’re always someone’s “mate”.

And the major thing corrupting me the longer that I stay

Is the Gulf Land’s favourite phrase: “That’d be proper of ‘ya - eh!”

Well, they drink the beer in cartons and as the night goes on

They develop bouts of ‘wisdom’ - least they can’t talk for long!

Just because we run sheep at home on our property

They have decided  they can speak to me improperly.

So I’m the Cocky’s daughter - an heiress to the flock;

No, we do not need special ‘gloves’ to help control the stock!

No, we don’t wear big gumboots, and we don’t appreciate

You’re uneducated humour; so get over it, mate!

Yes, our television’s coloured; we have the internet,

A fax, a phone, a microwave - much more than them, I’d bet.

We don’t need a hoard of ringers to help us work the land,

And the intricacies of shearing - they’ll never understand.

Up North there’s a wet season when they paddle in the mud

In THEIR bloody gumboots, enjoying the season’s flood.

So they wouldn’t know of drought - of dozing through the scrub -

The greatest trial for them is when next they’ll see the pub!

We don’t chase bovines on our equines with canines at our feet;

Us updated people find that bikes and GOOD dogs are hard to beat!

Yes, Kelpies are the way to go (throw in a Collie too),

They can work far superior to an old, worn-out Blue.

Do you see what I must live with, though many trialing days?

These silly Northern simpletons who refuse to mend their ways.

But change will fall upon them; they must prepare to see

It is time to learn some culture - lucky they’ve got me!

So, mate, I’m glad yer listened to all I ‘ad to say,

Please, learn from me trials - that’d be proper of ‘ya, eh!

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